The Big 3-0

With just a few days until I leave my twenties behind, I’ve found myself reflecting on my life so far. For me 30 is a big deal.

Am I really going to be ………old????

Beyond a doubt these last 10 years have been an amazing and at times devastating adventure.

Meeting Mike at 20 years old, by 21 we were dating and married by 23! I learned at a pretty young age to be a wife, take care of a home and pay bills, while most of our friends were still living at home. Moving into our little two bedroom condo, we quickly learned about independence and responsibility. It was a big wake up call for both of us.

By 25 I had suffered 2 miscarriages within 4 months of each other, by far the darkest time of my life. With that experience I learned to let anger go. Things will happen to you good or bad, if you hang on to anger it will eat you alive. I was angry, I was upset and I wanted answers! Why me? Why us? In my situation there were no answers. “just bad luck” was what our doctor told us. I mourned our losses and turned to my faith. I held on to the hope I had in my heart that one day it would happen, my dream would come true and I would be a mother. That time in my life taught me that I am stronger person than I ever thought I could be. I started to appreciate everything I once took for granted; family, friends and just waking up every morning to a new day.

The November after my 25th birthday I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified. I found it hard to become “too attached” to the little life growing inside me. Putting off buying furniture for the nursery and setting up his bedroom. August 4th Frankie came into this world, I learned what true love and true joy is.

I dedicated every waking minute to him, for the first time in my life putting someone else before myself. Sharing his excitement and joy with every new accomplishment and encouraging him while being there to pick him up after every time he fell down. With his arrival I felt that my life finally had true meaning. I was finally whole, living my dream.

2 and a half years later, we left our little condo and moved into our new house. We were now a little further from our parents, one town over instead of the previous 5 minutes away. I had to learn to be even more independent, no one could run over to visit at the drop of a hat. Visits to our parents were fewer and less frequent from the multiple times a week we used to do. We were once again learning to come into our own.

We talked about trying again for another child, I was terrified and kept putting it off.
Finally we agreed.
The day after my 29th birthday we discovered number 2 was on its way!

Terror, guilt, happiness, excitement all of these emotions running through me. Those 9 months flew by. We prepared Frankie for the life changing event that was about to come. November 7th Emilia was born. I didn’t know that my heart could get any more full but it did. With her arrival I learned the love of a daughter and mother. I learned about pride watching Frankie love his sister, helping us take care of her and turning into an amazing big brother.

As I grow older, I worry about the superficial things. Grey hair (yes I found 2!) and wrinkles. The thought of being “Old” terrifies me. I think it’s amplified by seeing family members around me grow older and start to fail. I see my grandparents who once took care of me on a daily basis find it hard to walk. Forget names, and slowly begin to lose their independence. In this I’m learning the importance of keeping family close. Never taking your time for granted and carrying on traditions.

So many things have happened over these last 10 years. The only thing I know for sure is that I’ll carry all of these lessons and memories with me. I look at my children and feel blessed everyday. I thank God that I got through the terrible times in my life. I feel excited for the things to come, Frankie starting school, family vacations and making new memories.

The last 10 years have been quite an adventure. The highest highs and lowest lows.

I am the person I am today because of those times.

I am proud of that person.

As the clock ticks down to the end of my twenties, I guess I can say that I’m ready to say goodbye…

Let’s see what the next 10 years have in store for me!

I’m still not looking forward to the grey hair and wrinkles, but there’s always hair dye and Botox…..right?

xo Fran

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